he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize