I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
