Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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