Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
