I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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