Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
