it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
