I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
