it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
