Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
