I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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