my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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