Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize