his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
