we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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