Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize