I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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