Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
