I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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