Will you blow on my dice?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize