Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
