she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
