Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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