what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
nutella sex= disaster
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
