You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
no, he came in my armpit
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
