you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
