Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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