do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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