I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
