the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
