she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
