So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize