I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize