a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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