So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
