I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
