Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
