he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
