he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Found the puke drawer
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
