It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
