I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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