I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
