Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize