I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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