im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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