new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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