What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
