I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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