remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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