hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
