My liver just broke up with me...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
