I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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