burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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