this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
