I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
