Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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