your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
