I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
