apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
