weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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