Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
