I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
