The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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