she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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