I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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