I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
